I started the week raging at that red-shoe-wearing, no-more-corn-row-havin', Kanu-looking motherfucker Adebayor. After months of basking in my newfound love for the man, his performance at Chelsea reminded me exactly why I used to pray for him to throw an embolism. At Stamford Bridge, Ade was up to his old tricks. Useless with his back to goal, every play breaking down at his Sideshow Bob feet, always failing to make the smart pass, occasionally taking a crappy, ill-advised shot. He spent the entire match outside the box, where he was well-covered and impotent. When he finally did make his way into the box, he fell over like one of John Terry's used tampons.

 

But then I took a deep breath. 

 

Ade has been THE MAN for the entire season. Can we honestly be surprised if he's slid back a bit? The f*cking guy's exhausted. Ade's got more minutes than any Arsenal player this year other than Flamini and Clichy. Bendtner, who I think is the shit, hasn't yet proven able to grab a match by the throat. Eduardo was proving himself before that c*nt Taylor crippled him. (n.b If we ever let another player go out on loan to the Brum Scum or that sycophant Steve Bruce, Arsene needs to have his head examined.) RvP has been, well, RvP. The one constant up front has been Ade. He's carried us on his scoliosis-brace-needing back the entire season.

 

By the way, I realize the whole thing about John Terry's used tampons makes no sense. And in fairness, respect to John Terry: he had an absolutely awesome match against us (except for that classless stunt when Eboue put the ball out so one of the rent boys could get treatment). If I was English, I'd be outraged that he doesn't play one-tenth as good for his country as he does for his club, but I'm a Yank and don't really give a shit.

 

If Togo hadn't crashed out of the ACN in qualifying, would we even be in contention for a CL spot, much less fighting (and we are still fighting) for the Premiership title? Compare Ade's inconsistency this year to the inconsistency of Henry's last two seasons with us. Ade is a veritable rock.

 

When Eboue finally fires in his one cross of the match, who's usually the only player in the box ready to latch onto it? Ade. It's Ade’s ability in the air that’s at least given the few Arsenal crosses somewhere to go. Ade has proven himself to be Arsenal through and through. The qualities we all want in our players. Not just in the way he plays--with skill, speed and agility, but in the way he conducts himself on the pitch. Honorable, humble, respectful of opposing players and workmanlike. If you need proof, just look at the difference between Ade and Eboue.

 

Raise your hand if you don't think Eboue is a cheating c*nt. Always falling over, always petulant, always whingeing. Someone, somewhere, needs to wipe that hey-who-farted-yo-not-me look off his face. How long do you think Eboue would have lasted in training with Keown or Nutty? A prime whinger in the mode of Wiltord and Reyes, I will not miss seeing this snot bubble on the proud face of Arsenal f*ck off to Italy in the off-season.